Cover it up
by MsFairyPony
Summary: When Edward left in New Moon, Bella was in her zombie state... But everythink changed. It's a story, what usually happens.What would happen next? Drug/ alchocol use and many more to cum. Just give a chance to the 1 ch.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, I am a disclamer,everything belongs to S. Meyer, and now when it's clear... We can start the new story. So basecly, when Edwart left in New Moon, Bella was in her I-won't-get-up-the bed-because-my-boyfriend-dumpt-me state.. or you could call it a zombie state... But everythink changed. For better, or for worse?

For your information! – I'm putting some lyrics in the chapters, that I think belong, oh so much! In this I'm putting Marilyn Manson – Heart Shaped Glasses , if you don't like him, the lyrics are KICKING ASS! And if you don't want to, don't read the lyrics.

Chapter 1.-

Heart Shaped Glasses.

_And she'll newer __cover up what we did with her dress.  
No.  
She said "kiss me it'll heal, but it won't forget".  
"Kiss me it'll heal, but it won't forget"._

''So, you, like, are coming, like, right?!''

It was Jessica. No one could be SO annoying like her. Their is some kind a party going on at Mike's house, it was Friday, their were always party's on Friday night's. And Stupid-bitch, oh sorry – _Jessica _wanted to know if I was coming.

'' Uhhh.. Shure, I guess.'' Well, someday I would have said yes, I think…

There was a long pause. I think she was texting the news to her no-brain-friends.

'' OMG! That's, like, soooo great Bella!'' Is she taking some drugs, I wouldn't mind, for a change.

'' We could, like, TOTALLY, later ..'' What can I say, I just zooned out of her internal bla, Bla, BLA. I just didn't care, what was on her mind, because I would say a big, fat **NO** to her idea to go somewhere with her.

''Hey Jess, listen, I gotta go… make some diner.'' I kind a have to… or not '' Umm, so listen! When are you picking me up?''

'' Ummm… about, like, sevenish, I guess?'' Wow, she is really smart, I guess…

''Great. Bye'' I said in a bored-out-of-my-fucking-mind voice.

'' Bye!'' She said all Happy go Lucky. God! Can't she take a guess!

I went up to my closet and looked for…stuff. I found a black, purple dress, my converse. It was good enough I think. I went to the bathroom and found the eyeliner I was looking for. I liked how it looked on me. Different, just like I am now – Different.

_I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles.  
If I could stick to you,  
you could stick me too. _

I putted my hair in two high pony tails and pulled my Heart Shaped Glasses on. I was, now, wery fond of them, thanks to the book '' Lolita'' – it's a great book. I was down stairs, when I remember about Charlie. I walked in the kitchen and called him.

''Hello.'' Yup, that's him..

''Hey..Dad!'' Wow, this was akward or what? '' Look, here's the thing. Jessica want's me to go to Mike's party, today, and they invited me… I said yes, and I was just wondering…'' I wasn't going to ask permission, now would I?

''When are you coming back… I meant coming home, when are you coming home?'' Paranoid much?

''Uumm.. I guess tomorrow. If it's Okey with you?'' Even if it wasn't I would be home the next day..

''Yeah!'' Akward pause '' Go have some fun, kid!'' Was he THAT despret to get me out of the house?

''Ok, bye'' I hung up and Jessica was at the door, screaming at me.

''BELLA!!! IT'S JESSICA!'' Oh, I'm sorry, I thout Easter Rabbit was wisiting!

''Hey Jess.'' She was wearing… It looked like nothing.. A pink dress, that went almost under her ass and I saw too much of her boobs.

''You look great Bella! But… the dress, is like, sooo long'' The dress wasn't short, but her mind was.

''Thanks?''

'' Your welcome!'' I swear! She was on some kind a pill.

We drove away in silence, but NOOO Ms. Blabber mouth won't allow it!

'' You know, today was, like, sooooo, boring, and, like in the gym, I was like 'No way', and then, like … '' Why doesn't she just Shut up!?

I swear, some day I will buy… three duck tapes, one for her to tie her to a chair, second for shut her mouth.. and third – for shut her mouth. You can never be carefull!

While I was planning how to shut her ETERNAL speech…

''Hello! Like, Bella, are you, like, listening, because I was sooo-''

''I'M LISTENING!'' I shouted.

''Oh yeah?! Then, what I was, like talking about… like?

''Mike?'' If not then her brain damaged friends or make up/clothes or her self. But, we are going to Mike's house.

''I'm, like, sooo sorry Bella! I'm like –''

''We're here!'' And with that I left her in the car..alone..still talking! No surprise there!

_Just,  
Don't break,  
Don't break my heart, _

_and I won't break your heart shaped glasses. _

The party was… Normal, not too much or less. Jessica didn't come near me, so maybe she took the guess, that… oh I don't know, Bella-doesn't-want-to-be-your-friend-because-you-gossiped-about-your-'friend'-and-now-you-can-rot-in-hell-bitch guess. I was drinking my fifth beer, when I heard an interesting conversation.

''No! Like, Iuuu! It would, like, sooo, make my skin brake, and like, sooo not cool!'' Did I forget to mention that we have a new girl? I did? Sorry – Her name is Mika. She is ANNOYING AS HELL. More annoying that Jessica. I know – wow.

'' I don't care. You have so much make up on, that I can't see your nose, you are FAKE and are a copy of a plastic doll… So go to your mirror and look at you self. Now shuu!'' I didn't know him… Was he new?

When I looked at them, Mika was staring at him like he had three heads, instead of one.

_She reminds me of the one in school,  
when I was cuttin'  
she was dressed in white.  
And I couldn't take my eyes off her…_

''Hey! Do I know you?'' I asked him. Mika started to glare… Luser.

''Nop.'' He smirked at me '' I'm Daniel Adan Elii, NICE to meet you.'' Ws he flirting with me?

''Isabella. But you can call me-''

''Izzy?''

'' Well, that too, I guess,'' I smiled up at him '' No way in hell, I'm going by my _real_ name'' I said with sarcasm in my voice.

'' I like you.''

'' Thanks?'' Good Lord! I only talked with him, what? Less than 30 seconds?

'' No! I meant – you seem difrent.'' Hmmm… maybe I am.

'' Well, if you meant by that saying ' You-look-like-you-don't-say-the-word-'like'-after-every-two-seconds' AND 'You-eat', then yes. I am difrent.'' I laughed. '' So.. what were you talking about, before that girl ran aay, because her face was melting.'' At that comment, MANY girls ( And I meant really many girls) looked at me with a 'I'm-gonna-kill-you' face, but Daniel Adan smiled.

''Well… nothing really… Just about drugs.'' Was my wish he?

''Really?''

''So, you wanna' try somethin'?'' My wish came true.

'' Yeah! Shure!'' Oh hell! I'm in a hell for a ride now!

_Little girl,  
little girl you should close your eyes,  
that blue is getting me high._

AN: It was supposed to be longer, but I think it's long enough! So, tell me - what do you think? _What drug should they be '' tripping''?_

I will chose one answer, well, if their will be no answers – too bad.


	2. Chapter 2 Strawberry Fields

Strawberry Fields

_Let me take you down_

'_cause I'm going to_

_Strawberry Fields,_

_Nothing is real,_

_And nothing to get hung about,_

_Strawberry fields for ever._

'' So I got ecstasy, LSD, grass ...'' He just kept going, with the names of difrent drugs.

'' Ecstasy! Yeah, eeem – ecstasy. '' I slurred tho words, not shure of my self.

He smirked, while looking at me. Of course he knew I was new to drugs and party's and even, maybe, to talking to a human being! But that didn't stop him to give me what I wanted the most. And at the moment it was geting drugged up. He didn't mind.

'' Shure.'' He reached for his pocket and I saw something on his arms, but let it pass, because at the moment it was about drugs. Not me, not him – just drugs. He pulled out a plastick bad, their were difrent colored pills. He pulled out two purple one's and gave them to me, for him he pulled out to geens. I notised, that on mine pills, there was a rainbow on, but on his – one of the Irish luck symbols, four leaf clover.

He filled his mouth with the pills, closed his eyes, then opened them. He saw me staring at him an looked at me puzzled.

I poped the pils in my mouth and swolowed.

'' So when is going to start?'' I asked

''About twenty, thirty minuts''

'' What are we going to do?'' I really wanted to know, because I didn't see what could we do, unless be bored.

Oh BOY was I wrong

'' So why are you taking E?'' Why was he asking me this? He was suposed to be all I-don't-care-let's-get-druged-yeah! But NOOOO.

''No one, '' fuck '' I meant nothing'' I blushed like crazy

'' Ahhh, so that's why.'' How the hell dod pretend to understand, when he didn't! '' Calm down, Miss.'' Was my anger THAT notisable?

For the past thirty minuts, we talked about school, he was going to the Forks High tommorow.

Then,

_Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see._

_It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out._

_It doesn't matter much to me._

The feeling of high was the best feeling in a long time. We were listening what was going down stairs, when a new song strarted to play, and sound. Just wow – the sound was something. So deep, but so sweet and lingering. When I turned to Adan, he was looking at his hand, admiring it. He blinked twicw then looked at me.

'' Let's go party Izzy!'' He sounded so weird, but at the same time so... I don't know. He took my hand, and it was so hot, and I meant the temperature. Or was it me... I think it was me.

'' I need something to drink, I'm so dry!'' I shouted over music.

We went down stairs to the kitchen, when BAM – Mike and Jessica making out. It would have been Ok – if they could kiss, wich they didn't. I usually contain my lauger, but thhis time, I don't know what kame over me! I was laughing so hard.

'' What are you two laughing about?'' Mike screamed at uslike little girl. I stopeed suddnely. I didn't know that Adan was laughing to, but then I remembered why I was laughing, and started again.

Adan answerd '' Well, you use your tongue like a car on a 'GO' . * brum brum* ''

'' And don't mind Jessica, she wins the slut award!'' I snikered.

Jessica ran away crying. She deserved it!

I pulled out a bottle of water, feeling like I was about to drop!

'' Hey! That's mine.'' Mike whined

'' Please!'' I snickered '' You drink sodas and eat pizza for breakfast, you wouln't know a use for a water bottle, if it hit in you in the face!'' I was starting to panic, because the hot spraid in AND out my body.

'' Come on!'' And again he took my hand and pulled me in Mike's room.

''Look for.. stuff, maybe we will have some dirt on him.'' I liked the idea.

'' You mean besides his face?'' We laughed and started to work. About an hour in his closet, I was about to giv up.

'' Dude!'' I shouted '' I don't know, theres only shit '' I pulled from the top his t-shirt '' here. I just-'' And sudenly a rubber doll fell on me.

'' Oh god! I don't want to die like this!'' I joked

'' Wooooooow, Iz – It has your face!'' WTF?

'' Nice one, smart guy!''

'' No, I mean – It has your face! Well your picture glued on the face''

'' I'm scared...'' I really was, why does he has my face on his rubber doll – Oh... Iuuuuu.

'' Man, that's groce!'' And he droped it.

_I'm a kick stand in your mouth_

_And I'm the tongue's slamming on the brakes_

_Pull the choke in_

_Pull the choke in_

_As hard as it will take._

Then we went to his bathtub, because I needed to cool of, I was sweating like crazy!

He fell asleep on the floor, and I was still in the tub. If I would kill myself tonight, who would remember me tomorrow? Why was I at this party, again? To get better? To foret .. him? I don't know – I DON'T REMEMBER HIM. Oh my god, what I'm going to do?

I started crying, harder and harder, by the minute of it.

I need to get home... No! I need to go to HIM home... I need to remember. Where were my happy days, when I was happy to just wake up in the morning?

_And is there_

_Room in your life_

_For one more breakdown?_

AN: Well, yeah review. I'm a disclaimer. I used The Beatles – Strawberry Fields and MM – Are you the rabbit ( I think it shows the story whell – This song). Thank you for reading. I know she's a bitcy persona, but wait, my hunny bunnys!


	3. Chapter 3 Bad Dahlia

BAD DAHLIA

I woke up from the sun shining and some one mumbling, '' And then the choo go's buu buu...'' What the hell was that? And ony now, I felt the new wave of pain, that's called the headache, and deeeeaaaaaam was it awfull.

_, get her drunk she'll scream like hell._

But the weird think was, I didn't wak up in my bed, I wasn't even in a bed, _nor _in my bedroom. Come to think of it, I don't think this was my house. Where the HELL am I?

And then it came rushinkg back to me:

Jessicas phone call

Mike's party

Booooring

Danny Adan Elii

The drugs

...

_Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town._

OMG! Bella you stupid girl! What did you do? But I can't feel guilty enouf as I should. That pill, it made me feel some better than I was... Than I am.

'' Mhmmm nam nam,'' you can hear him drull, hot... not '' You up bitch?''

I wasn't a bitch. An even if I was, I wasn't his!

''Who your call-''

''You.''

Jerk. I liked it. He didn't bother to be friendly, and I wasn't a pare of tits in his eyes.

'' Well, I gues your up''

''Wait – are you leeping on the floor?''

Pause '' Yeah...'' Akward pause.. '' Khem, yes, well..'' I know he didn't want to ditch me, but I know where at this point it became akard, maybe because I'm in underware and I was looking at this... I don't know. Maybe the fack that it was just me? Ugh...

'' Hey! I like you, but in afriendly way- ''

His face changed to understanding , '' What do you want?''

'' A lift home?'' Why did I make it sound like a freakin' question? '' My dad is gone freak, if I'm not home today... anyway, what's the time?''

'' Um... welll, how about.. I-DON'T-FREAKING-KNOW am?''

'' How do you know it's 'am'? '' Does he have some powers! [ sarcasm]

'' Go to hell!'' I think some one has a little bitty fun called Hangover. Wich remainded me of my own. '' Hey do you got somethink for-''

'' Headache? Yeah I'll go get some'' And he slumped out of the bathroom, I got out of the bathtum and looked for my shirt... I came in a dress... and WHERE is it?

''Wow, you a got a killer ass. '' And he slapped it.. He freakin slapped my ass.

_Grab her ass, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll fuck you up._

'' Dude... WTF?'' No really – What the fuck?

'' Your my mate-'' No, I'm not.. '' I meant – My Friend. I get to do that!''

''Hump...''

'' Here aaaaand here.'' He gave me a pill, I hope it will make my headache a little less notisable, AND he gave me a t-shirt.

'' Awww thanks!'' I faked a super'y sweet voice. And he just gave me his fucking smirk, wich was not bad, but some one's was way better and I didn't want to think about that right now, I'm afraid I will starting to cry like yesterday... I swallowed a bubbll of sarrow .

'' So eem, right..''

'' I'm okay...'' Isn't that what I'm suppose to say? I guess my voice sounded OK, but by the face Adan was looking at me, it was far, faaaaar away from Ok. Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.

'' Well... up yeah, I'll get you home.''

'' Where's my dress?'' I hope Charllie wans't home, I don't want to explain where is my dress..

'' I dunno! Maybe Mike took it.'' And this way to weird for me... And it could be real, because he HAS a rubber doll, with my face on it... Ugh

I was in Adan's car, with only his BFMV (Bullet for my Valentine) T-shirt, and some girls boots. I don't cared who's they were, I lost my dress, she – her boots.

_No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned, but she's_

_Comin' back to my place tonight!_

In the car was a clock, and it seemed to be nine am... I know.

We met Mike in the kitchen, Adan wanted a... somethink.

'' So Jess is a bitch?'' Mike's high pitched voice ranged on my ears.

'' Yes.'' Adan and me answerd, not together, but allmost.

''Hump... Well why does Bella-''

'' Izzy'' Adan corected, while poking his head in the fridge.

'' IZZY is here?''

'' I dunno! Maybe because she wanted to? OR we played allll night long – I meant sleep'n'dreap game. You should try it! ''

'' Well – At least I don't wear eyeliner!'' He screamed.

'' Well atleast I'm not gey.'' Adan was not screaming, but it hit a nerve.

'' Well –'' He was about to scream, some thinkg, but we won't allow that now would we?

'' SHUT THE HELL UP!'' And now he looked like I killed his puppy. Don't know – Don't care.

And Adan stole his bacon, and ran out of the kitchen giggling, while I just walked over to him.

And now we were facing my house in his car.

'' So yeah... See yah Monday!'' I hope

' 'Oh Bella?'' He asked too inocently.

'' Adan I-'' He kissed me. His hot mouth on mine. I was to shocked to respond. I dont' a boyfriend! Not this particular boy...

'' Well, I hope your a better kisser!'' He snorted, and I just looked at him.

'' Gooooosh Iz – Cillax, I don't like _like_ you, don't worry!'' I smiled and gave him THE finger. And walked out the car, wich speeded away, and it was time to face the music.

_I look around and all I see is, no good, bad and ugly,_

_Man she's hot and fixed to be, the future_

_Ex-_

( AN: I was about to stop, but Why hell not! So the song was Theory of a Deadman – Bad girlfriend.)

Part 2

I walked in the house – it was empty. Surprise, surprise!

So I figured, why not tka a shower. I'm sticky and sour from sleeping in a bathtub. Juck!

I was washing my hare and when I reached for my shampoo, it fell down – with the rest of it, what was on the shelf. So I was picking things up, when I spooted a razor. I looked at closly.

_I LOVED YOU,_

_YOU MADE ME._

_HATE ME,_

_YOU GAVE ME_

I didn;t know why, but I pulled it at my wrsit, it all seemed to go in slow motion, and just looked at the wrist and the razor.

_HATE SEE_

_IT SAVED ME_

_AND THESE TEARS_

_ARE DEADLY_

And then it all came rushing back at me –

The Cullens,

Edward

EDWARD

The break up – my heart crumpling in hundred little dusts.

And with all anger that was inside me, why should I keep my promise, if he broke his ' To be with me ' .

I pulled the sharp edges down from the inside of my elbow, down. It stingd a bit but I laughed.

_YOU FEEL THAT?_

_I RIP BACK._

_EVERY TIME YOU TRY TRY _

_TO STEAL THAT_

I can't even describe it! It was so much, and at the sime time so comforting and less.

It was a.. release. I wasn't as mad as before, but I shure felt like crap – much more depressed. I pulled the sharp edge back to the start, and did it twice, thirt and more.

Why did I do this? Why did he have to leave me?

_YOU FEEL BAD?_

_YOU FEEL SAD?_

_I'M SORRY,_

_HELL – NO FUCK THAT!_

I screamed out loud.

What's the point in screaming? No ones listening anyway.

How was I so stupid to fall for him? I was just a pet. I'm sorry I realised it just know.

SHIT!

A pet who was sentenced to die evetually.

_IT WAS MY HEART,_

_IT WAS MY LIFE,_

_IT WAS MY START,_

_IT WAS YOUR KNIFE._

''BELLA?'' Oh fuck! Please tell me it wasn't – '' YOUR HOME?''

'' YEAH!'' It WAS Charlie. I only hope he –

'' IS EVERY THING OK?'' Is he – what Mind reader.

'' YEAH – JUST SLIPPED''

''OK!'' Oh my – is gulible. I'm way not Ok, he should have known that.

_This strife it dies, this life and these lies._

And then came the blood – choo, choo. It wasn't the... scent, so to speak, anyway my head was spinning, but I ignored it. The thing was – How am I gonna explain the mess? My arm was rapped up in Adan's shirt, but theire was a lot of blood.

_I wish I could I could have quit you._

_I wish I never missed you,_

_And told you that I loved you,_

_every time I fucked you._

But as it was expeckting! I slipped and I think I broke my ankle...

'' OH YOU MOTHER FUCKER – GOD IT HURTS, SHIT SHIT – '' While I was corsing, and in a way I was happy, because I didn't cry, Charlie came running up.

''What happened hun' ?''

'' I think I broke my ankle, AND NO IT'S NOT OK!''

I know he forgave me, because it REALLY hurt! Buut anyway.

_The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through._

_Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!_

'' Cover your self up,'' WHAT! '' I'm coming in!'' Oh I know the cop side hit in... NOW.

''NO!'' He can't se my bleeding wrist... he can't ever see me bleeding! Oh god...

'' Let me get dressed dady! I'll be out in a sec.'' The 'dady' always worked...

'' Ok – I'll be in kitchen. If you need my help to get down, just call, Ok'' See? Always.

''Ok!''

Now – the mess I made.

I was starting to feel my wrist, it wasn't THAT bad, but I knew it would get worse. I cleaned up, and THANK GOD, I pulled out my sweats and a long sleeve T-shirt. I pulled off Adans shirt – I think my arm will be Ok.

My ankle did'nt hurt that bad.

I limped down the stairs. '' Dad – I think I just sprained it a little, it doesn't hurt!''

I gave him THE eyes, well you know, the puppy dog one's.

'' Hun, look I have to go! Heir was a call, some one is killing people in Seattle and they need me, I'll be home tomorow knight. If it hurt's just call an ambulance Ok? ''

_Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you._

_I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up._

Hell yes! Home I will be ok [ S A R C A S M ].

'' Yeah! I'll do Ok!'' Wait! – '' Do we have some pain killers? I really need them! My ankle is a bi-''

'' Yeah – some where in the kitchen.'' He didn't want to hear bad words from my mouth.

'' Bye- be safe.''

Never

'' Bye''

I huged him akwardly and he was out... as was In a way. Out of mind expierience. Huh...

Let the torture begin!

_Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!_

AN: Well, you know as I – I don't own it. WELL when that's oh so clear now , I hope you liked in – Thank you for reading! The second song is Hollywood undead – Black Dahlia.

OH –and I'm so werry sorry for my grammar. I want to write fast, and I don't look when I write sooo – REVIEW! ;)


	4. Chapter 4 In Anticipation Of Your Blow A

In Anticipation Of Your Blow Away

_**Your heart is always almost beating**_

_**along with windy frozen tunes.**_

I slumped my feet up on my room. Surprise, surprise – no one's here but mu misreble self. Why did my arm feel like it was burning? I looked at it and the first think that came to my mind was 'SHIT'. My long sleaved shirt was just drowning in blood. I felt woozy.

Ok – just be calm... And at this moment, my face said a wery nice hello to the ground, so nice...

_**But you say you've laughed enough,**_

_**your closet's stuffed with last year's blues.**_

_**But you know by summertime your suicide's just last year's news.**_

I felt like shit. And I slowly, wery slowly opened my eyes.

'' Finaly!'' I jumped up at the sound, I swear I could have gotten a heard attack.

'' Adan,'' That little fucker... '' Hoe the HELL did you get in here?''

'' The Door...'' He said in a DUH tone.

''Why?''

'' I dunno, nothing else to do? And you would have bleed to death, well maybe not, but ... yeah..'' I knew he woudn't tell any body, it's not that he didn't care, maybe he didn't care, but he knew telling and saying ' stop it' won't do any good.

_**What will we find inside of your room?**_

_**Notes in the margins,**_

_**records always spinning.**_

'' So what we gonna do?''

'' Does your dad have drinks?'' I knew what he talked about.

'' He's a cop, Adan, I don't – '' For the love of God, can I speak a sentece with more that five words!

'' Then he has to have something!''

_**Clues you know you want all to know**_

_**your little soul grew old too soon**_

_**and surprises lost their thrill.**_

It surprised me a little, when we found vodka, a full botle. I don't think he knowes he has one. Danny had, again, on his hand a pill, he didn't show me it, but he said he has 'magic' with him. I didn't say anythink about that, Bella would have told the drug a no, me? A big Yes. Was I doing this because I was in pain? Or because I didn't have a choise?

_**Vodka, pills and the marquee moon. **_

When I asked Adan, what wore those, he just said Shrooms. He gave me some, I ate them, he ate some too.

One think lent to another , and I was seeing some really weird crap.

'' What's on your mind?'' I asked him, because I saw a freaky looking clown with an axe, that to be honest – IT'S SCARING THE CRAP OUT A ME!

''This...'' He came closer and kissed me again, I knew it was only time before it happened again, but when our clothes beggan' to take a chance to alone on the floor, the clown started running to me. I closed my eyes and screamed. What did that mean!

_**Flooding the room.**_

_**To my tune from the womb.**_

_**To the holiday,**_

_**There is no holiday.**_

'' What?'' Adan asked me frantic.

'' Nothing...'' The clown wasn't to be seen. '' I'm a virgin...'' I was, and I didn't know about this...

''Hmm...'' He looked deep in thout, '' You rather lose it to a friend, who won't judge you, rather that some random, drunk, party dude, at some of lame Mike's party's.'' He had a point. And because this was the only think that was commen to both, of me and.. HIM, I wanted it to be gone, in a way...

_**First double-cross her heart**_

It was just a tiny bit of painfull, the first thrust, It felt like little burn, but it became a little better,

_**If this is the life, why does it feel**_

_**So good to die today?**_

_**Blue to grey**_

_**Grow up and blow away**_

Then I started to SEE thing's. And the clown returned. I started screaming, but it didn't stop Adan, he kept looking up and saying random thing's, like:

'' _**Nobody knows which street to take.**_'' I mean, what was that suppose to mean?

The clown started eating my leg, I felt it, it hurt like hell.

I was now, alone in a room, where the hell is Adan?

_**He took the easy way**_

_**What was the easy way?**_

I was swimming in blood... Oh my dear lord, I'm drowning!

I woke up at a start.

I knew what I did last knight. My leg was Ok. And there was a little blood on the end of the bed. Nothink I imagened, at the night.

I looked to my other side, and there was Adan. Why did I wish for some one els to be, where he was?

I saw he had a 'Nightmare before x-mas tattoo, Jack was looking at me. He pulled up wrist, and kissed it. I knew he wanted to know...

But I only gave him, '' It's a release.''

'' I know what you mean.'' I saw some sarrow in his eyes, but didn't say anythink.

That's when I saw it, the cutting all over his arms and stomach... He knew. How could I let it pass, that knigh, when I first saw him.

_**She always thought she would not**_

_**Blue to grey**_

_**Grow up and blow away**_

_**(Her body is the baby)**_

I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

AN : Yuo all know I don't own it – disclaimer. The First sing was Bedroom walls - In Anticipation of Your Suicide and the second was Metric – Grow up and Blow away.

Thank for your review's and thank for reading. Please review. ;)

**OH! AND PLEASE TELL ME WHAT :**

**DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE SONG?**

**SONG'S WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR?**

**DO YOU WANT HAPPENING IT THE CH. **

**( I know how it will end, but please, I really want to know what u think **** )**


	5. Chapter 5 Deep

_DEEP_

_**So messed up I want you here**_

I was awake, but I didn't need to open my eyes, so that my mind could replay some of the event of last night. To say I was ashamed, wasn't true. I was little ashamed, shure, but in a weird way – proud of my self. Who else would have given me what I wanted, what I needed? What I craved for?

But the little voice, in my head, said '' DID YOU NEED IT, DID YOU WANTED IT AND DID YOU CRAVED FOR IT? MAYBE, JUST MAYBE-''

_**In my room I want you here**_

I didn't let it go on.

I opened my eyes. Adan was still sleeping. In a way- I was surprised, he was peacfull. He didn't do nothing ordinerry – just... sleeping.

I sat up on my crowded bed, pulled my legs out of the bed, and just.. sat. 'What did I do?' – Oh! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

_**Now we're gonna be Face-to-face**_

I walked in the bathroom. I saw a girl, with bloodshed eyes, I- no she was glaring at me... What have I become... I just need to get used to this.

_**Well c'mon**_

'' Izzy?'' I forgot he was still here.

'' HERE!'' Where was I?

Adan walked in, while putting his T-shirt back, in the pace where it belonged. He looked at me funny, while I just watched the girl. She didn't blush, I looked... Difrent. Why my eyes, were so... blank? Just a plain white. I know I was plain... but I didn't want them to be... just white, black shure, but not white. White is clean... I was no longer clean. I sighed.

_**Now I'm ready to close my eyes**_

'' I'm not your girlfriend.'' I said. I didn't feel like I could ever have a boyfriend, let alone relationship.

'' I don't want a girlfriend, just friends Iz, just friends... hey umm... I got to go, my lil' sister is coming to Mike's house, to say hello to them and shit... To say goodbye to me'' I think that's what he said the last. The girl in the mirror just looked more shattered. How did I not ask him a question about his family? Even if he has one?

'' Key...'' How could one person feel so much like a shit? '' So umm.. see ya Monday, that's umm tomorow.'' School's tommorow, I don't really want to go, but I gues I have to.

He looked at me and in a weird move, he left. I just kept looking at me.

_**And now I'm ready to close my mind**_

_**And now I'm ready to feel your hand**_

_**And lose my heart on the burning sands**_

What could I do today? I didn't want to end up, cutting myself up, like a butcher. Maybe I could get a piercing? Eyebrow piercing...Eyebrow piercing? Yes! Eyebrow piercing!

_**back stab**_

_**Disrepair**_

I pulled up some jeand and a long sleeved t-shirt. My cut hurt, but not that bad, naybe I could get Tylenol? Yeah. The cut... It didn't looked to well either, but it will do fine!

I jumped in my car, and headed to Port Angeles.

After one song about love, and another, and another, and another... I figured It was close to Valentine's day. OH JOY! Not. I found the place where they tattooed you and pierced you. I got inside. Their was standing a blond girl, with piercing and tattoos.

_**There's a big black hole**_

_**Gonna eat me up someday**_

_**Someday fades away**_

_**Like a memory**_

_**Or a place that you'd rather be**_

'' Yeah?'' She asked me.

'' Hey.. umm, are they anny chances that I could get my eyebrow pierced?'' I wasn'r booked.

'' I guess, your not registered, but next time call, Ok?''

I nooded.

**I don't care**

**Get me out of here**

'' Yeah- It will be 30$ and with the piercing 5$ more.''

'' Shure.'' I got my money on the hand.

'' Ok, c'mon here.'' She let me in a room. You could see all the needles and shit man.

She washed her hand and did steralize all what she would need for the piercing.

_**I could take what's apart**_

_**And put it back together **_

'' Ok just, lie down here, '' I lied down on the bed like thing '' and close your eyes.''

'' Right.''

''You want numbing?'' Of course they would ask that.

'' No.'' I wanted to feel it.

_**This will come true**_

_**Help me get through**_

_**Into you**_

_**Deep**_

''Shure. Now – take a deep breath and-'' She pierced the skin with the needle '' – your done. I just will put the piercing in. And don't open your eyes.'' For better lack of words, I didn't say anything.

She replaced it. I looked in the mirror. I loved it. I looked difrent, but I guess, I liked it.

_**One track**_

_**Get you on your back**_

_**Your skin speaks up,**_

_**but your lips couldn't say it**_

'' Thanks'' I said to tje girl.

'' Welcome.'' I pulled out 40$ and gave them to the girl, and walked out, she can keep them.

I pulled up in some store and got me the medicine I want- needed. The medicine I needed.

The time I got home, Charlie was here.

'' Bella?''

'' Yeah – I was out to get some pain killers.''

In this moment he looked at the piercing. He looked hearthbroken.

' So, what happened.. In the Seattle I mean?'' Change of the speech that will come.

'' What.. Bella – what is that?'' Yup.

'' That's an eyebrow piercing Dad. Isn't it pretty?'' I beamed at him.

He looked taken back. 'Bella has a piercing? She's happy? Laughing?' That's waht he thout about now, I guess.

Everything we've been missing '' Yeah... but Bella.'' He did look taken back.

'' No – my rules.'' And I just didn't realise, how much it was the truth – I'v done so much to my body, who can stop me? , but in the reality – theat was such a lie!

'' Listen, I got to go to school tommorow, I'm going to bed.'' I wasn't going to sleep.

'' Shure'' He wathed me, like a.. a good.. like a good cop.

I striped down, just in my pantie-short's and a bra. I took some drug out, wich I got from the store. They belived me, I had proff – my ankle was blue. But...yeah.

I popped som in my mouth. Some thing caughed my eye – It was a plastic bag, I walked to it, and shure it was a paper bag with some leafes in. But my eye caugh my floor.. What was wrong with-

_**You make me feel**_

_**There's a part of me, that I want to get back again**_

AN: Soory, a cliffy. I know, I know. But if you review, I will update faster. Any review makes me happy, and I jsut want to continue. I will put a link to Bellas piercing, in my profile. And the songs are

The Stooges - I Wanna Be Your Dog; Nine Inch Nails – Deep. Their both grate songs, go listen to them, if you will.

AND TAHNK YOU FOR READING MY HUNNY BUNNY'S! :*


	6. Chapter 6 No Surprises

Well, I'm really am ashamed. I'm so sorry. My computer broke, and I couldn't write anything, like in 'word' and etc. I had to wait this long to it be fixed. My brother fixed it, so I trust him, and my computer not to broke.. Whell.. for a while. God that sounds pathetic.

ANYWAY, what I'm saying is, thank you for sticking with me and shit. Ok, now go, you whipper snapers – read.

**No Surprises **

_A friend in needs a friend indeed,  
A friend with weed is better,  
A friend with breasts and all the rest,  
A friend who__'__s dressed in leather,_

What was wrong with my floor? Why is the plank sticking out?

I'm not taking chances to step on it. I walked to the 'broken' plank, but so – it wasn't broken. It was, as someone pulled it out, to only pull it back in... But why.. and Who? I sat down, to the planks, indian style. I was feeling tired and drownsy from the pills, but I wasn't backing down. I pulled the plank, that was sticking out, and pulled, and pulled. I would feel some ho fluid tickling down my arm – I had a guess, on what it is, but I coulndn't look away.

Why?

*krick ; krick*

The plank moved just the right angle up, so I could get my hand in and I could get the stuff I needed. My hand was already down there. I grabbed the stuff and pulled them up.

A simple, brown paper back – you could have got it anywhere, with blood red colored name on it. MY name.

'_Isabella'_

It looked really just like... you know, That bastards hand wrighting.

My breath was stuck in my throut.

_A friend in needs a friend indeed,  
A friend who__'__ll tease is better ,  
Our thoughts compressed,  
Which makes us blessed,  
And makes for stormy weather,_

I pulled it out... Inside their were MY birthday's gifts. Only, when they left, I could find ANYTHING. But that stupip stereo inside my truck. I pulled out the CD Ed-ed-ed.. Eddie, it was easyer to mock his name that to call it right, and Alice had given me. I broke it and felt hat more and more the li- GOD, let's be real. It was blood. It WAS blood. So.. The blood was tickling more and more, because of new cuts. I did feel the pain, but the pills blured it down. The next were the airplane tickets... I would keep then – see if I could change them. I AM eighteen. I can go ANYWHERE I want to go. There were pictures, I ripped them to peasess. I didn't look at them, because if I would – I only knew that I could never tear them appart. There the 'Happy birthday's and 'good wishes', and 'I love you''s, and some other cards as weel, I ripped to, not wanting to read them, of the same fear of the pictures. That I would never let them go.

His picture with me, the tickets – all the things that remainded me about him/ his family/ my birthday/... the break up. What the hell was I going to do, withe pieces now?

The fucker didn't even want my, fucking, pictures? To some day say, to his bueatifull, vampire, skanky skank of a girlfriend ' Hey, look! This is my ugly ex, and I totally fucked up her life, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nice one, righ? She was, really in love with me, but I was like ' Fuck you, man, I'm a vamire'.

_A friend in needs a friend indeed,  
My Japanese is better,  
And when she__'__s pressed she will undress,  
And then she__'__s boxing clever,_

Of course, their was a constant remainder in my car. I grabbed all the shit from the floor, exept the tickets, pulled them into the brown, paper back . The clock said It was 2:47... I didn't know how long I HAVE been in my room ripping stuff. So the clock said The Chief was sleeping, so I ran out of my room, still as porrly dressed as I was, to my truck. I took the bag withe me.

When I was in my truck I scrapped and kicked the sterio to come out, he didn't want to but he did.

I ran down stairs, with all the pictures, down to my kitchen and pulled out some matchess and ran out to my truck When I was in my truck I scrapped and kicked the sterio to come out, he didn't want to but he did.

I ran to the near of the forest, cruplled to knees and satrted to digg with my fingers in the dirty, cold ground. I was cold. My hand hurt, because I had hurt them more and more deeply withe the ' I'm a proffesional, let's take out a sterio out of an old car, YEAH' accident and now too, but the change was the sudden cold.

I had diggen up the littlle pit of hell. I started to sob, but no tears had left my eyes. I putted tha bag insed the pit and lit on fire.

_A friend in needs a friend indeed,  
A friend who bleeds is better,  
My friend confessed she passed the test,  
And we will never sever,_

'' Burn, bitch, burn.'' I said. To who? I don't know, maybe the picture.

I wathed as it was about to stop burning, but I dragged the sterio inside and started to put the sand in the place. When it was done I could help the thout that was in brain now, eating me out.

' And here leys Isabella's Swan happy memmories. R.I.P.'

_Day__'__s dawning, skins crawling_

_Pure morning_

It sounded, in my head, like an old man had said it.

I didn't care how I looked, I ran to the house. When I was – I ran to my room. It seemed like I have been doing nothing but running these days, but I quikly shut the thout down, before it could shut me down.

I took a piece of paper and a pen. NOW. IF he would want them back, I think the answer is no, but EH! Still. I'll leave him a 'message'.

' _You son of a bitch,_

_IF you found this,_

_Then I highly sugest to you _

_GO FUCKING BURN IN HELL_

_YOU FUCKING MAN-WHORE._

_I HOPE YOU HAVE A CRAPPY ETERNITY _

_AND SOME KIND OF VAMPIRE HERPES._

_Your ''love'' Bella. '_

That should be it. I hope he finds it. The maybe he would know... Maybe.

I ran back to my car, I didn't care if some one saw me. So what? Crazy ol' Izabella running around and around, in the hause out the hause, almost naked, just in her bra and panties. But you know what? Almost is just almost.

I cleaned up the truck. Then I ran up to bathroom, I looked worse, than I did in the morning. Huh... I just took a sover. My hand, the cut up one, was it suppose to get yellowy? I gues it was the healing process. But if wasn't, how could I go to the hospital and be all like – ' Hey! You know me! Bella, Isabella Swan, daughter of the police chief of the Forks, Charlie Swan. Yeah.. You all propobly heard that Dr. Cullen left? He had a son, Edward, he left me hearthbroken, I guessed we were in love, but, you know how, we, teens are, right? And, yeah, so I pulled the razor down my arm. I hope It's not an infection, but if it is - I hope I can keep the arm!' And I would say it in 'Happy' Go' Lucky' voice and a smile. Now! That wouldn't be creepy.

When I stopped to shower, I droped dead in my bed... I looked at the clock, it was 5:47 am in the morning. I got some hour.. or minuts to sleep.

Thank Lord, I didn't have nightmares!

I woke up by the the fucking horn!

*PEEE-fucking-EEEEP*

'' I'M UP!'' who the hell is it? ''WHO THE HELL IS IT?'' I screame my lungs out.

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for their daily races  
Going nowhere, going nowhere_

''Adan.'' I heard him say, I looked over my sholder and their he was, in his glory. I liked the guy liner he was wearing.

''Mornin' '' I sighed, it wasn't a good morning. Ever since HE left it wasn't a good morning. And my hand hurt like a fucking hell, just about waiting for a move, so it can burn more.

'' Hun' it's not. First bec-''

'' I know it's not a good one, never is.'' Like I needed his speach. Gaah.. I had a father, a little crappy at that one too.

'' Like I said-'' he said matter of fackt tone '' I'm a new kid at school, your my Ho-'' he smirked at this, but really. I felt like one... but I wasn't doing a bunch of guys...right.. RIGHT? '' it's school. But don't wory! Your Pedo-Bear is going to make you feel better.''

I smiled, I laughed at his stuped comment.

'' I got special K.'' He sang.

'' WHAT?'' did he mean... cearials... What the FUCK?...

'' Duuuuuuuude! Ketamin!''

'' You could have said vitamin K.'' We both smirked.

'' But only when you dress up doll!'' He said like ... like Juessica would have. I laughed and jumped up... It was sunny... Too bad I had cut's all over my buddy.

I found the RIGH think. Leather short shorts, black an white stripped sweather, and I know I might kill my self, I wore heel. They were pretty cute, not something fancy like Al- Alice might have given me. The Heels were black and white stripped, too.

_And their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
No tommorow, no tommorow_

'' Deaaaaaam girl, you look fine.'' He said, while I was busy aplaying my eye liner.

''Ready for school? We'll be trippin' '' He said, while we went to his car.

'' I hope we will!'' I didn't want to see reality.. my life.

'' Then it's all right baby girl, here- '' he gave me a pill where you can see is a powder inside it. I raisd my eyebrow at it, the piercing just stung a bit. '' um... You will feel nothing, NOTHINK, Iz.'' I wanted to feel nothing. '' Buuut-'' Their always is a ' but ' '' It will last for like 3-4 hours, maybe 5.''

'' Man! Really?'' Fuck it. I want to be trippin, and don't think.

'' Yeah – that's why I have-'' He pulled a botle.. A botle of vodka. '' At least we can get drunk Iz.'' H e smirked.

Hmmm '' Fuck it man. Give me the shit!'' He smirked. We pulled the Vitamin K in our moths, and he gave me a swing of the vodka. It burned my throut, but it was Ok, I guess.

'' Let's get to the school of tripping.'' The last three word sounded long and down speeded.

''Am I late?'' it seemed so brigh out side.

'' Nah! Do you see at what speed are we going – look!'' I looked out the window, and giggled.

'' We're not moving!''

'' Really?'' He looked fake surprised.

He started the motor of his car and so, soon we were at school.

THEN

The bell rang and the kidzzz started to panic. Why the hell- Why is the sun smiling at me? Oh my god! The sun like's me, give's you the dow'ies Edwardooo Cullen!

'' Hey.. uuuum – Let's go to the main office'' We need his scedual, he can't ran to a random class. No he can, but... he can't. I was feeling a little as, I couldn't move...

'' What?'' Why's he screaming?

'' Shhhh – ''

'' Shhhh'' He told me.

'' Soory.'' Wait! He screamed, not me.

'' WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSE TO BE STUDYING?'' Big daddy bear – the principal – said.

'' I'm soory sir! Just... this is the kid- I mean, new kid,'' Adan was laughing his ass off, whil the principal checke me out '' and we were driving together, and it took some time, because I needed to show him where the school is and, and, and, and, and – '' Where was I? Oh yes '' And his schedual. Yeah.. so umm''

'' That's Ok Miss Swan. His first class in English like your's. You can go now.'' I know he only wanted to see my butt.

When I looked back... let's just say I wac correct about wanting to my butt. Not that I cared – it was creepy. I started to feel... I don't know! Like I was flying. It was bizzare, but strange. Oh and being me, that is The Ol' Clumsy Bell, I fell down on the concrete. Well, face, say hello to the floor! What, only a little bit, surprised me was, that I didn't feel anything.

'' I see what your doing there... '' Adan nodded '' It look's fun. But Izz – I want see the prick who is my teacher and going to be for fallowing year. If it's alright with you...?'' He sounded so strange. I just let it pass.

When I was on my feet, I directed him to my classroom... I meant OUR classroom. When I walked in, I was dumbstruck. It was if someone would be talking and Talking AND TALKING.

'' Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP!''

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
Cause I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very  
Mad World_

Every one WAS silent – it was me, now, who was shouting the shit out of my voice. God – the drug... and booze.

'' Huh... Some one's mobile was peeping, and I couldn't concentrate on what you were saying... Soory.'' I told the teacher. I lied, and I got away with it! When I looked at the teacher, he was smyling, and his eyes were poping out.

Adan smiled at me, knowing what was on and, I think, proud of me, that I could cover it up.

'' Eeeem.. Ok. Now - I was saying we have a new student in Forks High School. His name is – how about you tell us about your self?'' Motherfucker! Didn't he know we don't like to tell about our selfs in the publick eye, where every body knows us, but we don't know them. I now, would propobly shy away and say something like '' I'm Isabella, I like to take drugs and oh! My sexy sparkly boyfriend dumped me! Oh Joy!'' Or maybe won't. But Adan kept it cool.

'' Well... My name is Danny Adan Elii,'' It recalled my first night with him. '' I live with my cousin – Mike. I hate him – '' Every body, exept some, looked wide eyed at him, as if saying You-said-what? '' But, if you would like to know me, we can talk AFTER the class.'' That smart son of a bitch.

I think I was falling...

'' NO!'' I screamed, but when I realised that was one of the eefects , I tried to cough. Every body looked at me.

'' Ok...'' Teacher was not shure if I was mental now. Great! '' Danny Adan-''

'' Call me just Adan!'' He soped the teacher.

'' Yes, well. ADAN, you could sit with.. Miss – '' Say Swan. It's not that hard! '' Stanly.''

'' MOTHERFUCKER!'' I couldn't keep it in

'' MISS SWAN!'' Did he think he was a dasy, or something! '' To the prinvipals office. NOW!''

'' FINE!'' I yelled back at him, when I was gattering my stuff, I saw Danny flirting, it's obvius, with the Fake tan... fake everything Stanly. When I was at the door, I saw his hand reach under her mini skirt. She looked up and gasped. I started laughing.

There I was. Bella, who now was Izzy. Fucked, Drugged and played with. Laughing my ass off. I lost my virginity, for some druggy player ass. I should have known! At the party, he was stuck with the new Barbie, who had her first ticket to Play boy, house manchion!

'' Isabella?'' The teacher ask not shure.

'' I'm fine!'' I laughed... When I got out of the class. I ran to the girls bathrooms. I looked in the mirror. I didn't saw my self anymore.

Of course I saw difrent shit as well. But I tryed to ignore them, as well as I could. I did what I could only do. The bag with the 'leafes' ? Remember them? I tool them. I ate them all.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
Made to feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen, sit and listen_

I was going to go outside, walk to my car and- wait. I don't have a car. FUCK IT ! I was still going home. I walked out of school, hearing some voices. I ignored them as well... Imaginery or not. Then I saw.. Him. In the flesh. Dead, but flesh still. ... Rosalie at the drivers side. Emmet next to her. Allice in the back. And Ed-ed-ed- EDWARDS car. Him at the whell and Jasper next to him. Of fuck me! They still looked .. the same. And more vamire like than EVER. ... They had red eyes... Not the usuall golden. They looked at me, not wanting to see how was I looking now, how I dressed... At my hurt face. I loosed my balance and droped down. I couldn't breath. Still – I felt nothing. I was an empty shell. I wanted to puke, but I haven't eaten... a while... When was the last time I eat.. I don't care... You don't care Izzy. I saw how they all started to get out of their cars. I scrambled to my knees. I was desent, how deasent I would be, to walk away. When –

'' Bella?'' The cold breath on my neck woke me up. I cosed my eyes and started to run. For a normal persona, it would look like walking.

His voice... It didn't sound nice. It was scary. Then Emmett, Rose and Jazz was standing in front of me, withe their red eyes looking at me. I stopped and doing so I fell flat on my ass.

''oh.'' My breath cought in my throut.

I started to scramble away from them.

Jazz turned his head to left and looked at my posision, knowing I wouldn't run. Rose laughed, it sounded as in movies the mad scientist,throwing her head back. And Emmett smiled, the kind a' smile, than said ' your dead'.

I stoped because I felt something cold on my back. To say I was sceared, would be under stateman.

Emmett walked over to me, still smiling and said,

'' Bella, your done.'' What was that suppose to mean?

_Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, no one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, look right through me_

'' Beeela''

''Bela, Bela, Beeeela''?

From Emmetts scary voice, turned into really annoying one. Was it-

'' Beeellllaaaa?'' Yup, it was Mike.

I opened my eyes, I didn't even knew I had closed them and looked into the blues eyes of Mike Luser Newton.

'' What?'' I snapped at him. He looked taken back but still, this was Mike we were talking about.

'' ..eem. er.. You were passed out.'' There was an awkward pause. '' Soooooo are you-''

'' I'm good.'' That was a lie and total lie all around it. I thout he was going to ask if I was allright.

_A heart that's full up like a landfill  
A job that slowly kills you  
Bruises that won't heal  
You look so tired, unhappy  
Bring down the government  
They don't, they don't speak for us  
I'll take the quiet life  
A handshake of carbon monoxide_

'' I was going to say, 'Are you going out with me' or a date atleast!'' Was he dense, I looked at him like he was Miley, and she asked me if I would clean her hands. I guess he still didn't get the message, because he STILL asked me – '' WELL, are we?''

I slaped him in the face and smiled saying –

'' No.'' He looked taken back, I just walked out of the parking lot. I ouled the hells down and started to walk home.

_No alarms and no surprises  
Silent_

As I walked home I thout that this was a GREAT day. NOT.

Ok so –

Adan was a druggie player/ double crosser. Because I don't think he liked plastic dollls.

I passed out in the parking lot.

Kids and teachers think I'm mental, because of the English class and passing out.

My hands hurt because of the night expierince.

Not to mention I didn't know who the girl in the mirror was.

I imagened the Cullens...

...Why?

As I was home,wet like a cat from the WC - my cut up wrist was a little blue, I pulled a lot of bandages on it. I didn't want to see it. I wrote a note for Charlie, I didn't want him coming to my room seeing my horrible deeds in there, now would I?

_Dad,_

_I was sick at school, Came home._

_I think I'm about to puke,_

_Will be in my room – sleeping or puking._

_Please don't disturbe me – _

_Bella_

I wasn't sick at ALL, but passing out in the parking lot and acting weird, helped that. I didn't want to puke, but that will ceep Charlie away, if he has double thout about seeing me.

_This is my final fit, my final belly-ache with_

_No alarms and no surprises, please_

I took the kitchen knife and a little towel from bathroom. I took them to my room. I sat down and and cut on my leg in difrent places, difrent scars. I felt the burn. It let me feel better. MUCH better. I whiped it away with a towel.

I looked at the clock, it said it was 12:17.

I was feeling SOO unreal and tired, that I just putted the knife and the towel under my bed, pulled on some sweat pants, changed the shirt to a long sleeved one, and went to sleep.

_Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden_

_No alarms and no surprises, please_

SO – this was the long awaited chapter, hope you liked it. I'm going to look the links for the chlothe's, Bella had on.

The songs was -

Placebo – Pure Morning

Gary Jules Mad world

Radiohead – No surprises

The last song is my favorite for a really lonng time now. So please, PLEASE rewiev and favorite the story. Reviews make me write faster, and I'm soory again about the computer

Just click here


	7. Chapter 7 All I need

_ALL I NEED_

_But then our star rushes in,  
Feeling like a child and looking  
Like a woman...  
She has been forecast with an  
Attempt to kill herself,  
But the ending didn't test well._

I awoke of the sound of... of someone closing my door. I guess it was Charlie, because after 3 or so minuts later I heard a car driving away. I knew that it wasn't mine, because –

I'm not driving

No one would steel that shit truck (It was a shit truck)

It didn't SOUND like my truck, because it sounds like SHIT too.

I looked at my clock, it was 5:49, no scratch that – it was 5:50. I didn't want to sleep, why bother? I just didn't have my dreams anymore, HELL! I didn't have any kind of dream, I would gladly open mu arms even for a nightmare.

_I am the next act waiting in the wings_

TUESDAY

I walked to my closed, picking black and blues washed skinny jeans, Sid Sex Pistols T-shirt and a tripp black and white skulled hoodie. As for the shoes, I'm going with volatile, black, trapped combat boots. And just so to make an appearance I wore a fandora hat.

When my make-up was done, the eyliner and lash – blast, I took the knife, but left the rest there.

I washed it, so Charlie doesn't know and putted it back withe other knifes. Not that he'll notice or anything.

I haven't eaten anything, for.. God, I don't know how long. I was feeling hungry, but more than that – My body graved for my lost... I think... NO – I know that's because of the drugs. I needed my drugs.. And fast.

_I am an animal trapped in your hot car_

I don't care if they'r bad or I will be adicted... Because I'm not... It just helps to get away from myself and everybody in a flash, forgetting what I was about to do.

I didn't care that I would talk to Adan, and probobly do some things that I would have regreted.

I greabbed an apple and eat it, I went to get my Charlie the Unicorn ( Banana King ) Tote Bag. And went to watch TV... I can't remember the last I did that too...

''_... And the lost girls parent say that she was only to go to the store to get some Milk, but never returned, allso they say that they had a good 'parent-child' relationship'' _I fliched at the name realtionship_ '' If you see this girl,'' _They shoved two pictures of the girl, one, who was clearly in her passport an dthe other laughing. She was bueatifull. Long hair, not a year older than fiveteen or sixteen at tops '' _And call to this number'' _They shoved the number.

'' _And to day there seems to-''_ I turned the TV off and ran off to the kitchen. I puked out the apple, not because I wanted to, but because it lurched out. I cleaned up after my slef and started to shake.

_I am all the days that you choose to ignore_

I would do ANYTHING to get what I needed, no.. Wanted. What I wanted.

I don't care anymore.

It was 6: 46. It was early to leave, but if I wanted to get my hands on Adan, I would have gone in 4 am, if needed. I took my last breath and left for school, taking my bag withe me.

I put my phone in and turned it on the 'radio'. The song started to play. Yhe one fucking song, in the morning, in 6/7 am. If your wondering what song, it's – The Fray, '' How to save a life''. Every time I hear this song, I remember the days when I was happy, and now I felt like shit. The chores are true, IF I had to, I would have staid up all night, if I would have been better the next day. But of course, shit like that doesn't happen, now does it? No.

The song, to me, is about me.

There will always be a 'lie' in BelieVE,

An 'over' in Lover

An 'end' in FRIendS

...And an 'if' in LifE

I listened to the song in silence, the turned it off, I didn't want to lose my mind in here. I liked the song, but it turned to the memory lane, wich I didn't want to take.

_You are all I need  
I am in the middle of your picture  
Lying in the reeds_

I was at school, the teachers were here, ofcourse, some students – most of them neerds. So I parked anywhere I wanted, not caring. I was firts here.

It took 20 minuts to kids starting to show up. It took Danny 30 minuts to show up. He looked sad..sader..

I walked over to him. He smiled down at me.

'' Bella wh-'' I was the talker here!

''Don't,'' I snarled at him and he looked taken back at my hostility. Yes, I'm fucking vulgar. '' I just need something and you cary your shit with you, so... Waht do you got?'' Well.. good job Bel- Izzy. Izzy.

*sarcasm*

'' Why?'' He seemed sad, as if I didn't see anything.

_I am a moth who just wants to share your light_

''.. I don't want to remember.'' The truth had slipped out..'' Not that YOU,'' I snarled his name '' care. Go fucking, fuck that plastic dool. You seemed to enjoy her as much as she enjoyed you.'' He looked at me weirdly.

'' Bella – it was nothing, every thing is-''

''Fine? Belive me, NOTHING is fine.'' I took a deep breath.'' So you got something? Anything? .. I have money.'' My college money. It didn't matter anymore.

''.. I don't want your money.'' He murmured, his head down.

''... Just give me ... Anything.'' Wow that sounded.. pathetick.

_I__'__m just an insect trying to get out of the night_

He sighed '' I only have tranqs''. He looked thrue his pocets '' I don't –''

''How much?'' I WAS willing to pay. Nothing is free, even if they say it's free – it's not.

'' Those are tranqs,'' he sighed again '' It treats insomnia, NOT sleeping, anxiety and depression, but they will slow your body down. '' he took out three white pills. '' I don't know what YOUR dose is on tranqs, but if they are too many – you will feel sleepy and forgetful.'' Dide he say forgetful... '' So – it's only 10$ '' He looked at me, when I gave him money. He gave me pills.

I started to walk to my first class, when I heard him. '' It was nice knowing you Isabella Swan. I'll miss you...Bye.'' I know it was not for me to hear it. I turned around, and he was gone.. just – gone.

I took the three pilld in my mouth and swolowed, not caring if anyone notised. Not that I care, anyway.

_I only stick with you because there are no others_

I was feeling a little sleepy the first classes, but in lunch. I just fell asleep, hearing murmers nand gossip.

'' Bella's , like, on drugs. OMG that's, like, WTF, you kow, like?''

'' What is she wearing. She, like, needs to change her woredrope, ASAP!''

'' I heard she was pregnant!'' .. nice

And then I heard the sweetest and most painfull thing ever.

'' I love you.''

'' Love you too.''

_You are all I need  
I am in the middle of your picture  
Lying in the reeds_

I didn't know the voices. They were so... so silent, but so loud.

AAAAAND – I fell asleep.

I woke up, from someone shaking me.

'' Isabella Swan!'' SHIT! The princable.

I woke up with a start.

''Yes?'' I wasn't shure what was..

'' Your sleeping! And I thinkg you have a exam in History, young lady!''

Umm, Ok. Clicking in acting skills. '' OH MY GOD! The exam. I was about to run, but Mr. Green had other pland. He grbbad me by my elbow.

'' Explain first.''

'' I was studying all night! Because I felt sick yesterday, I slept the most of the day, so I HAD to study –'' At this point I was fake sobbing.

'' Shhh..'' He seemed that this was awkward - to me funny.''

'' It's okey, you have slept the all class and the first half of the final class. I'll talk to your teacher, so... You can go home sweety. But, I don't want this to happen again!''

Pshhhh!

I sniffed and nodded. He let me go and I ran to my truck, with a shit eating grin...

I didn't study for the exam.

_It's all wrong  
It's all right  
It's all right  
It's all wrong  
It's all right  
It's all right  
It's all right_

AN: So, uum. Soory for the not so long ch. But HEY! I updated. I was really glad that I had reviews. Umm. Thanks you guys.

The song Bella listened on the radio was, again, The Fray – How to safe a life. That's how I feel about the song. It's really sad, for me, anyways.

The song in the beggining is Marilyn Manson – Eat me, Dring me.

And the song in story is Radiohead – All I need.

Uumm. Today is August 9th. And it's my name day.. My parents forgat that. I said to my mom, what's the date today, and she said I don't know. I stoped smiling and she said, it's your name day. It's first time my mom forgat, and 5/6 time my dad did. _If you don't mention anything, they will forget._

Please leave a review. A 'smiley' could do, too.


	8. Chapter 8 Stupi Girl

_**Stupid Girl**_

_You pretend you're high  
Pretend you're bored  
Pretend you're anything  
Just to be adored_

When I got home I had a not so wery good surprise... With that I meant ' Oh-fuck-Adan-is-in-my-house-no-in-my-guest-room-and-he's-so-not-a-guest-that-little-fucker surprise. I felt like I was walking in on Charlie doing it with an old guy or Mike and saying something like ' Do you want tea, sweatheart' in that English accent. I mean – What the fuck is he doing here? He was just at- well, okey. He was a couple hours back in school!

Before he could see how REALY surprised I was, I think he did, I laughed in his face.

''So... Is someone here WITH YOU?'' I mean, come on! Get real – he said he didn't like 'plastick dolls' and now he was fucking one.

'' Iz, I like you, but I'm not runing after you like a fucking pupie.'' He said it all in that calm voice that usually makes you feel difrent and far from calm. I fealt.. Uneasy?... I don't know.

''Hmm.. well..'' What to say, what to say – Think! '' I – ''

'' No. If you don't like something you can close your eyes and say 'fuck you' , but I'm not your doll.'' Dude – I wasn't finished. Well, that's equal.'' Besides,'' He sat down on couch, at eas '' She said, 'I, like, like you, like you, like – get it. I want you, like – Now!' '' He intimitaded her voice, pretty good too. '' And so I touched her, and because of her moaning, she got kicked off of the class and I'm not sitting with you.'' I was happy – in a way. But I knew there was a bigger picture.

_And what you need  
Is what you get_

'' Nice job'' I laughed '' But you know – Fuck you'' I said what I had to and I went to the kitchen to get some beer's. I know Charlie has them. He ALWAYS has them. I think he will notise that some are gone – but. What could he do? Ground me? Please! Like I wouldn't get something. Ship me to Renee. She doesn't give two fucks, while she has Phil who fucks the fucking brains out of her... I know...eeh.

''What position?'' I heard him yell. I know I lost my virginity to him, and he doesn't know it yet.. I think, but am I ready for the next round...With him?

I got him beer and my self one and sat next to him.

'' You know, I fell a sleep during luch,'' I took a sip of my beer '' An the principle woke me up – ''

''Bastard'' He was a bastard. I don't remember my dream – so that was good. In a way.

'' I lied that I studied for the exam in History all night. '' We laughed. And then he put the beer down and started to kiss my neck. My head fell back. Don't get me wrong! He has sckills.. BUT, but I don't want.. This... This – this way. It's not right. I pushed him off of me.

'' Adan I –''

'' Why do you wait for something to happen?'' Why is he so calm?

'' Well... Maybe ... Maybe, sometimes, I just need someone to TALK to.'' That was.. true. In a weird way, because I don't want to talk to people, but I..Want to? I don't know.

'' Time changes everything.'' If I didn't knew better, I would have beliven' him. But I DO know better.

'' But I still remember!'' I screamed in his face, and jumped to my feet.

'' Tell me?'' It's good he asked.

'' I don't want to 'remember' anything'' How did this beggun again? God...

'' Then just-'' Big sigh from him '' Be happy!''

'' Adan – Is a smile a magical curve that can set everything straight?'' He looked at his hands. '' No – It's not!''

_Don't believe in fear  
Don't believe in faith  
Don't believe in anything  
That you can't break_

'' I- I got Pot!'' He samiled. And I laughed as I sat down. Maybe there was a giant pickle in the room, eating cookies, but we are going to smoke some shit! I knew that this wasn't over jet.

'' Uuum.. Just outside, Ok? Remember. Cop lives here! He has a nose for crime!'' And I wanted to get out of here. He looked at me funny.

When we were in the forest – not to close, not to far from home - he started to get the shit ready.

He gave me one bong and smiled. Well – here's to not opened minded! He lighted the end of the bong. I sat on the grass and took it in my lungs. I cought – at first – but everything was fine after.. the fift.

_You stupid girl  
All you had you wasted_

We were looking at the stars, when I started to laugh – becaue I love starts!

'' Waht's so funnt Iz, Izzy, Izabella, ella ella – e – e –''

'' I fucking LOVE outer space. All those planets and stars and shit.''

I laughed, while he rooled on the grass saying something like. '' God, I feel SO good!'' And he smashed his fists in the wet ground.

'' Ok, OK –pick up your cheasy'est pick up line?'' Ok – beat that!

'' That's easy!. Listen! -

' We can go to MYSPACE, you show me you TWEETS and I cum in your FACEBOOK.'

How's that?'' Stupid smug smile on his face.

'' That was pretty good.. Too good!''

'' Chill out slut.'' Oh..

'' I'm not a slut-'' I'm NOT!

_What drives you on  
Can drive you mad  
A million lies to sell yourself  
Is all you ever had_

'' With that on you? – Kinda are, hun'.''

'' I'm N-O-T.''

''Does it look like I give a shit?'' He took the bong back to his lips, while I still wathed the stars.

'' I want to go to sleeeeep'' He whined.

'' Sleep when your dead.'' I knew, of all people – you can't sleep when your dead.

It started raining. I looked at the sky as it rained and saw every cry from the cloud. How can it be, that a cloud SOO dark, can bring that bright rain drops?

_Don't believe in love  
Don't believe in hate  
Don't belive in anything  
That you can't waste_

'' Deam – the cloud look's pissed. If I were I cloud I would be happy, man. I would be peaing on people all day.'' Adan said.

'' You have a point.'' That would be AWSOME!

I don't know how, but I fell asleep. Why? Because I saw... someone. Ok – Victoria. I knew this WAS a dream, because we were at the Cullen mantion. Just us – Me and Victoria.

'' You know Bellsy-Po?'' She walked across the Cullen living room.'' I'we been waiting for you for a long time.'' She kicked someone. I didn't want to look who it was, because the voice sounded so close, but so far away. '' I DON'T want to kill you – '' WHAT? '' – But I know YOU want Me to kill you.'' She smiled at me and came closer and closer to me.

'' NO!'' The high pitched voice screamed. I looked down and found Alice. I gulped. She looked... beaten, I know she's a vampire and all, but... I ... I don't know. She jumped up, and now it all was happening in slow motion. She leaped at victoria, while she viped her head to look at Alice. I saw her red hair. One, by one as they flyed.

'' ALICE, NO!'' I scream and I was at the forest floor, next to me was Adan, who looked like he was on Mars, rather then here. He gave me a new bong.

''Alice, who the fuck is Alice?'' Adan song The Smokies song, and poped down on the forest floor again.

_You stupid girl  
Can't believe you fake it_

Did I want Victoria to kill me?...Maybe. I took the bong to my lips, took a big drag, kept it in me, for a while and let go, of the smoke. As I licked my lips, from the taste again, I can swear I saw a... Wolf? I donno. Propoblu from the high.

While I was done, I started – This.

_Don't believe in fear  
Don't believe in pain  
Don't believe in anyone  
That you can't tame_

'' Chaaaaaaaarrlieee. Let's go the the candy moutan Chaaaarlieee!'' I faked the voice, whom I started to... Imitade.

'' Rainbow Puke – bleeeh!'' Adan joined in on the, whole 'Charlie the Unicorn' thing.

_You stupid girl  
All you had you wasted_

_You stupid girl  
Can't believe you fake it_

'' BELLA!''

OH

MY

FUCKING

FUCK

CRAP

_Hello darkness, my old friend,  
Ive come to talk with you again,_

''God speaking of the Charlie.'' I knew this was SO uncalled for, but I laughed at the joke, and pulled my palm over my mouth, so he wouldn't find me.

'' Lets go! I know .. I know!'' He started to do a little bit of running – nothing I can't handle, but I begged the god for two things!

1 – Don't let him go faster

2- Don't let Chaaaarlie found me. * Not to mention I laughed out loud... Waht do the called it.. LOL? Yeah – lol.*

3- Let.. something happen'.

We ran out of the forest.. It seemed... It seemed to be the Newton house.

_Because a vision softly creeping,  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,_

''C'mon. We can stay here. '' I hope I can...

'' Will Make rape me?'' I smirked.

'' Maybe – if you will be a good girl, he will.'' He slapped my ass. I didn't want to show him how that disturbed me, soo – I chose to ignore it my self.

'' And.. and waht if I will be a bad.. bad girl?'' I looked up at him and at the moment, his eyes were really dark.

'' She will need to be spanked.'' Oh.. So that's what he like's huh? Maybe it was from Mary J, but I giggled. Fuck! I giggled!

'' Well then.. I thing I was a good ol' little girl!'' I said in the most inocent voive, I coul'd master.

'' Oh no! No she wasn't,'' He looked down at me, he was A LOT higher than I was. '' She NEED'S a spanking. She drank her fathers beer. Left house, not telling anyone, to smoke pot in the forest. Only to run away, from the daddy, who was looking her.. On is cop duddy.'' He had a point.

_And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence._

He started to climb the house's decoration – until he reached for the tree and climbed in his, I hope so, bedroom. What I was suppose to do? I tried to do the same, but FELL in his room, while he got me on his knee's and started to spank me. First I jelped, but he put his hand on my mouth and beggun to do it harder.

I didn't even notise, how he fucked me. Until he was asleep and I was over the covers.

What have I've become?

I got, the blanket around my body and got up. I only wanted to go to the bathroom. I knew Adan had HIS batroom, but... I didn't want to go his bathroom. I didn't plan on hanging NEAR him. I...This has gone too deep. WAAAAY too deep.

I walked in the not so big, not so small bathrom. I don't know what to do. I just.. Needed some place else.

Soooo, since I'm here. Shoul'd I... Cut? Puke? (Because this WAS gross, and I sick from my self) Or just maybe I should –

_In restless dreams I walked alone  
Narrow streets of cobblestone,  
neath the halo of a street lamp,_

'' Bella?''

Fuck. My. Life.

'' Bella? Is that..It IS you!'' Fucking Newtons voice filled the bathroom.

I opened my eyes, to see him in the mirror. I turned around, to only see him face to face. I didn't say anything and he pulled that cruel, little thing called SMILE.

''Soooo?'' Fucking son of a bitch. '' What happened? Why are you here? Undressed? Here?'' I think I said this, but I think I will again. Fuck. My. Life.

_I turned my collar to the cold and damp  
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of  
A neon light_

'' Non. Of. Your. Bussinese.'' I said slowly. He just smiled wider.

I did what I had to do. I walked out of the bathroom to Adan's room. I didn't found my shit. Only boots. So I, being me. Found something. A black denim shorts and a Lip Service Steam Machine Jacket. I didn't have a shirt on, or a bra OR panties. Nice One tut's!

So I started to go down from the window, house decorations helping me.. But, ofcourse, I had to slip and land on my bag.

'' Ohhh...uuu'' That hurt. Fuck. It didn't help, that it was cold as shit too.

I heard some rumbling in the house and I was up, up and AWAAAY. Sory – I know. Lame.

_That split the night  
And touched the sound of silence._

I hated running, but... It just seemed to clear my mind, only that my fucking side hurt. I heard a car and jumped in a bush. I looked who it was and... As if I saw a black car... that REALLY looked like Carlisles.. But that was just some car, driving somewhere.

_And in the naked light I saw  
Ten thousand people, maybe more._

It wasn't a surprise to see that I was entering La Push. Yeah – you go girl! Not...

I don't know how the Hell! I would get home? I think I will walk... I don't know anyone... Well there IS Jacob, but I hardly know him and... and we haven't talked , in what? Month's?

Oh shit! I'm rambling... Fuck. Now I feel like - . STOP IT!

_People talking without speaking,  
People hearing without listening,  
People writing songs that voices never share_

'' Bella?''

''What now!'' I whined? '' Oh! Sam?'' What. The. Fuck?

'' Hi.'' He smiled sadly at me. I guess he remembered the tim in the forest... I will remember it later. Now? Now I'll be waiting for his Question..

He looked down. '' o y eed a ide '' Then again up at me.

'' What?'' No really... what?

'' Uugh.. Do you need a ride?'' Is he...Fuck! Charlie...

'' Did..did Charlie – ''

'' Yeah!''

_And no one deared  
Disturb the sound of silence._

''Well... ''

''FUCK!'' I yelled. '' FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!'' Sam looked startled. I think I would have been too, in his position.

''Where's your car?''

''Umm – right... umm. Here.'' He pointed to a dar blue audi. You could see it was from the 90's.

I don't know.. I wanted to get faster to my room... Even if it meant going in Sam's car faceing the music, called Charlie. Because... THIS! This was soooo fucked up the wrong way, upside down.

Sam leaded me to his car.

'' So..'' he started '' This is the part where I rape and kill you and tell Charlie how sorry I am that you've run away...'' What..? '' It's a joke.'' He looked me in the eye.

I laughed... And it was not drug inflickted, or booz or ANYTHINK.. But it weared off really fast and I regretted that I even tried.

_Fools said i,you do not know  
Silence like a cancer grows._

''Soooo? What were you eeem looking for here?'' You really could see the 'akwkward monkey' in the car.

'' The beatch.'' Even I could sense the loonging in my voice.

''Something's not right with you.'' Sam said. He looked around while he said it.

'' You know...'' I said, while looking out of the window – seeing as we were entering Forks. '' Before you start looking for problems in ME, better look for some in you.'' In the end of the sentence I was yelling. As if I didn't know that there was something SO wrong... but it felt so right. I don't know...

'' Soory.'' He said '' I didn't mean it like that, just-''

'' No one has the rights to judge my life.'' I said really slow and quite. I thout he didn't hear me, but seeing that he stopped speaking, he heard me.

'' Were here.'' And we were. It was early morning and charlie had left for work. He doesn't want to deal with me. Hell! I don't want to deal withe me – so I just.. Do other things.

''Yeah.'' I jumped out of his car and to house.

'' BELLA!'' He screamed and I ignored it. My name wasn't Bella.

_Hear my words that I might teach you,  
Take my arms that I might reach you._

I got up to only see ten little packages, size about 5 cm, and white powder in them, and in each package were 3 little, yellow pills. I gulped. I walked across the room to them. There was a little note. It said.

' Iz,

I don't know what happened.

But I know you got too close to this shit and it's too late now.

The powder is cocain. And pills – E.

In Seatlle there is this club and you can get the shit there,

and here's a number for emergency.

EMERGENCY – 555-ex-1369-

I'm so sorry.

Adan'

_But my words like silent raindrops fell,  
And echoed  
In the wells of silence_

I think it happened in the morning, while I ran away and was in La push.

I knew how to deal with this. I knew.. I took the powder, smashed it in 5 lines on my desk and just..Snorted the first one..but the high.. It was so little and I took more two.

Shit!

_And the people bowed and prayed  
To the neon God they made._

My head rose up, looking at he sealing.

I could feel the high rushing thrue my veins.

It was 7:14 and I could even go to school.

'' Sooo Dress up Isabella!'' I clapped twise. '' Dress up, do shit. Oooh Leav a a note to Charlie, and, and I. Yes!'' I rushed to my closet o drop Adan's shit. Throw up on some black skinny jeans, no panties, the same boots. An elmo t-shirt and a skellet hoodie. No bra – Why botter?

_And the sign flashed out its warning,  
In the words that it was forming._

I skipped down stears, took a pencil and a clean peace of paper.

'

DAD!

I was at a friends hause. Soory – I forgot to call. I had pfun. REALLY!

I think I wrote a note... ANYwhoozel's. I think I'll go shoping today! Yeey! Sooo uum.

Whats going on?

Oh! I have to go to school. Have to keep that grades up, right? Righ!

And – thank Sam for me. I was walking in beach and he took me home.

Love's ya! XOXO Isabelly *smiley face* '

_And the signs said, the words of the prophets  
Are written on the subway walls  
And tenement halls._

Fuck! I was ratling in my notes now? Well.. Hell.. HEY! That rhimes. Well – Hell.

No!

Stop.

I took my 'stash', putted it in my bad and went to my car to get to school.

_And whisperd in the sounds of silence._

**AN**: Sooo. This is the next Chapter... I think it's a little bit of weird. But it will do. Thank you the one person who said Happy name day and every one who reviewed.

And Oh – I had done my helix and industrial piercing. Yee.

Ok – songs for this ch. Are –

_Garbage – Stupid Girl_

_Simon & Garfunkel -__the sound of silence _

**So, little explaining. So Sam, as a werewolf and all, smelled all of it in Bella's blood, AND her blood, from cutting. **

**AND – DO WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN IN NEXT/FUTURE CH. JUST TELL ME. IF YOUR THE ONLY ONE, YOUR IDEA WILL BE HERE, OR I'LL PICK THE BEST ONE OR ALL.**

**Please leave them and some reviews. Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9 Death In Vegas

**Death In Vegas**

_Nothing suffocates you more than  
the passion of everyday human events_

When I got to school, very one was so.. still. And they seemed happy! And bubbly! And.. and...yeah... But something was really wrong here. They looked weirdly at me.

Oooouuuh... Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.. You really should have not done that, what I think you done.

You know what I think?

I think he told everyone..something about me being a...Slut? Yeah – that should be real.. and I think he might have throwned something in, just for the laugh! Fucker.

Buuuut! Just because my ex-friends are dumb as shit, I could try to trick them. Jessica and Lauren and there slut army, were standing to the entrence of the school, looking at me eyes bugging out and wispering. I skipped to them.. I know...Skipped? I wasn't even That high. I felt a little dizzy, really. Like... there was this weakening and a bit of sickness... But I guess Coke helped a bit.

''Hey! Jess and Lauren and.. and'' I don't know there names! Don't look at me like.. God – I have to act like one of them. I flipped my acr.'' Anyway!'' Giggle''What's, like, happening?'' Jessica smiled.. Uuugh.. When was the last time SHE brushed her teeth. Geez, it looked like there were goats shitting there!

'' Like – it's super today! Like, OMG – what are you, like wearing Belly? Like..'' Bitch.

_and isolation is the oxygen mask  
you make your children breath in to survive_

'' I – KNOW!'' Deam.. And that bastard said I can't act? '' My mom sent it to me! '' They all pushed there lips together and nodded. '' But, like, it's animan clean!'' They are like freaks. No meat, no animal skin. Fuck it man! The animal is already dead – I might make best of it for me!

'' Like! Thats, like – SOOOOO cool! B-T-W!'' She started wispering '' There is this rumor about you!''

I fake gasped. I already knew that! '' Like – what?''

_and I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist  
and I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit_

'' Yeah!'' One of her 'friends' said. '' Like, Mike said, that your, like a S-L-U-T. Ya know, like?'' I was impressed with her. Her friend used more 'like's and ' OMG's and shit like that.

''What!'' I cried, silently!

''mmmmhhhmm!'' Jessica started. '' He said you fucked Adan. That hot new guy, you talked to at mon-''

''OH! And he's mine!'' Lauren said, looking at her nails. But really – I could see the interest in her eyes, in story, wich I am the characterof lead.

'' Like, like I said! Sooo, he said he saw at like 3 am, because he was studying –'' I thing masturbating, was the real word here. '' and he went to bathroom to fresh'n up – '' Clen up. '' and he saw you there, nothing on, but a sheet on you – looking at the mirror!'' I bet he didn't even see my 'scars', just looking at my boobs. I didn't have big one's – but I had some.

'' Oh! And then he like,said – you offered like, to suck him off, like, so he would like, not say anything! He said he didn't want to catch something from you...'' Lauren trailed off.

'' And, soo OMG. He said you like, like are a total slut and fuck everyone who breaths! .. Or doesn't..'' One of her friends said.

_and when we were good, you just close your eyes  
...so now we are bad...we'll scar your mind_

''Dams, like – Diana! I said, like, no speaking! BTW, because, like you, drank too much, and laik said my momy, like had herpes!'' oooh Thank's Lauren!

'' Well! I have to go! By by!'' I ran away towards the girls bathroom. I ran in the cabin and took out my stash. I took three pills of E and I saw, that there was not enough in my blood to make me happy! Deam – I'll take the next 'step' after or at lunch.

So, when there was the time for lunch. No one was looking that much at me. I guess the bitch army have done there work at texting and shit. Good. I sat down to my table. All alone. Thank good. I don't want anyone. ANYONE. Why would I? No one wants me...

'' HEY! LISTEN UP!'' Mike screamed, he was on top of the table – for jocks and pricks. '' PEOPLE!'' Every one had there attention on his stupid face.

_FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT  
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT_

'' You remember Bella Swan? She moved here last year! Yeah! And I guess you heard the gossip, that she's a slut! Look – '' he looked for something. And then...NO! '' I have her bra!'' Deam – that was my fave one. It was grey. And all the people were looking at me, now. I didn't blush.. I haven't blushed since – '' SO WHERE IS YOUR BRA BELLA?'' He screamed, looking at me. The look on his face was so... disgusting. '' GOD! I'M SO LUCKY I DIDN'T GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!'' All eye's were on me, big – waiting what will I do. '' ..OR FUCK YOU! WHEN YOU PLEADED WITH ME LAST NIGHT!'' Oh that sun of a bitch...

'' PLEASE!'' I yelled, still sitting on the table, alone. '' EVEN THE OLD, CRAZY CAT LADY, DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK YOU! .. HEY! SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO LUCK AT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FACE!''

_You'll never grow up to be a big rock star  
Celebrated victim of your fame_

There were 'oooh's and 'owned', and other shit too, around the luch room.

I was silent. To come to think of it.. I was a little sick.. I wanted to puke.

Sooo...

I puked on the table and then just... Everything went blank.. or black. Call it like you wish. Only think I remembered was the screams, that filled the lunch room.

'' Isabella?...Isabella – can you hear me?''

_We'll just cut our wrists like cheap coupons  
and say that death is on sale today_

Yes..,But hell I'm not saying that out loud and clear for that bitch to hear! You want to know why she's a bitch? Did you hear her tone? No? Well – from her tone she's not the one I know. I think she work's in the hospital, because she sound's like she hasn't been sleeping and doesn't really care, but pretend's to care...

''She isn't waking up!'' She wispered franticly and quit, but still tyred, to some one. '' If..if she doesn't.. I think we will haveto cut her arm down! ''

WHAT?

_and when we were good, you just close your eyes  
...so now we are bad...we'll scar your mind_

'' If she doesn't in ten to fiveteen minuts, we will have to call the head doctor, of the infection centre and.. and then we'll see.'' Some guy said. He didn't sound so sleepy as the women, but still... Hey! Now I know I'm in the hospital, at least.

'' Did you see the scar's Fred?'' She asked, more quite then a minut ago.

''Yes. But we can't tell her father about it... Or her mother..or step dad. If it come's to the time we have to call the doctor, he will deside... But she has to deside. ''Fred said. '' Here, take this. Wake her up!'' And I heard the steps walking away. Then I opened my eyes, seeing the womens back. She had a hony blonde hair, pulled in messy bun. Then she looked back at me.

_and I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist  
and I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit_

''Oh!'' she said ''Your awake.''

'' Yeah.''

She had big greene eyes, that told a scary and tyred story. Bags under her eyes. Full, red lips, without any lipstick. Pale face.

'' Honey,'' She sat down and started '' In your hand, there is blood infection, that can lead to cutting down your arm. We can steel help you if you let us.''

Who sick fuck, would let there hand be cut down?

''Yes.''

''Ok... Isa-''

_The death of one is a tragedy  
The death of a million is just a statistic_

''Izzy...'' I looked down. Bella wouldn't have come to this situation... She would live with her mom...

''Izzy... You have multiple cut's all around your arm. Waht happened?''

I stayed silent.

''Alright Izzy. After everything is better wiyh your arm, we are going to sent you to Alasaka, to speshal programm...I'm going to get the doctor. We have steralized your hand enough, but we need to get deeper.'' She said, walking away.

''No...'' I wispered. I know what this ment. And I didn't want it... I looked around me. There were white walls and I was alone were 3 IV sticking out of my arm. One was blood, the second was white liquid and something else. I don't know.

The white.. I have to have some... It was like I was bleeding from the inside and I would explode.. No! – Die if I didn't get some on my hand. I needed something to get in me. ANYTHING would do.

I sat down, and looked at my arm. It was purple and yellow. Shit, it looked horible.

It didn't stop me what I needed to do. I got up from the bed and looked outside the door. There were other rooms aside and a big white door at the end. I walked out of my room, but saw some kind of doctor coming here, so I ran in to a random room.

''What. The. Fuck?''

Some kind of girl asked. I looked at her. She looked at me, looking pissed. She hade bronze skin and black hair. And black eyes, wich were smudged around her cheeks.

'' eeem.. Can I barrow some chlose?'' I asked her.

''Aaaaah 'Prison Brake' right?''

and I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist  
and I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit

''Yeah.'' I lookes around.

'' There. On the chair.'' She showed me with her hand, and I saw why she was here.

There was a black and purple ribbon corset, blue plaid tease mini skirt with ripped leggings and a Twinkle Ties Sequin platform heels.

''That's it?'' I asked. How was I suppose to get to Seattle in this...I still didn't have my underwear!

''Aaaaah.. I see you don't have undies..'' What the hell. '' There are undies and a jacket in the bag.'' She smiled.

And there was! A Hot pink bikini underwear with black bows and ruffles and a tripp black and grey big striple skull button jacket.

Thank god!

I got dressed and was about to leve when –

'' Use the window. Only second floor. It's easy to get down. They'll cath you otherwise.'' She said, with closed eyes and ready to sleep.

'' Thanks.'' I muttered and went for the window.

I will get my shit, one way or other.

_FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT  
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT_

AN : Deam... did I really do this? Well – I did *smiley face* (Not my smiley face, because I don't likethe way it looks when I syle and it sometimes it looks a bit creepy, because I sometime's smile, for no good reason – like walking down the street, remembering how a condom with water exploded in my friends pants... aah good times) .

AND SOOOO – if you want me to write faster, please leave more than 2 reviews.. I feel that you can do it! And thank you people who read and comment.. It really DOES meke writing faster. I know what song will be there and is perfect for it, and what it will be called... The Ch. And I don't know if you know, but on my profile you can see the chlose, that I put on Bella in my ch. ;]

**Yeah. I think he right song for ****this**** ch. Would be**

Dirge – Death in Vegas

Eeem, it has bo lyrics, but I think it sound really good... a bit honting, but I am a bit of a creeper :] and yeah. Be shure to check it out. Also I putted anoher song here

Marilyn Manson – The fight Song

So that's fitting. ( Oh – and I belive in god, just if your wondering of the lyrics.)

Oh! And it's like 6 am in the morning and I haven't slept, and I'm not planning to, because school is coming and I will go to bet at like 11 pm. Today ( I guess)... And I have a doctor apointment today..I know..

Please leave a comment, letting me know – what you think.


	10. Chapter 10 Fighting

_**AN: Yeah, Yeah I know. I'm alittle 'late' to uploud this, but I am. It has been tuff around me.**_

_**Hospitals etc, etc.**_

_**So I think this is the END of this story and there will be a new one called **__**'' Dreamer ''**__**.**_

_**At the end of this Ch. You will be more.. Informed I guess ;] Enjoy!**_

**Fighting**

_She puffs her lips on cigarettes and paces in the lobby  
Silhouettes of pure white skin  
A super in post-party_

'' Uuughh!'' I fell flat on my ass... I think it was a rutine for me now – no? Well – it felt like it, but only this wasn't walk of shame, this was the Run-from-hospital-to-get-drugs 'brake'.

I was doing well at the beggining... I meant – When I was on the roof... I only had to jumt 3-5 meters down, from the little, little roof, to wich I had come on.

But no! Me- being me, I just had to slip! On my ass... In the rain... Fuck.

At least I was in Seatle – I know that... Because I saw the sign 'Virginia Mason Medical Center'. GREAT! If I stayed, I would have had like... a group of people practice on me, saying shit like...

'Waaaait! So THIS is her middle finger? I thout we had to cut down her leg! Ups!... Ok! Where's the next one?' And then they'll show this scary-happy clown face.

Not such a clown fan either.

Any-who. I, think, I remembered the place I had to go to get my shit... But I wasn't shure.

Deam! Tese heals were so uncomfy! I know, I know – in this situation, thinking about shoes... But you got to thing about the little things. But it was hard to concentrate, because of the heat.. It was really, fucking hot... I didn't care, that people were walking with coats on and hats. They were just scared of being –

'' Miss?'' Some one punched in me. '' Hey? ''

''What?'' I screamed in some girls face... But Oh – shit... That wasn't no other – but Jessica.

'' Bella?'' She looked me up and down.

''What do you want?'' I said slowly, my eyes closed. Trying not to thinking about this fucking mess.

'' Your dad is looking for you!'' See? It's getting worse. Maybe she will tell me now that my mom ran from Pfil too and became a famous porno star and Charlie is Jessica's new boyfriend. And now she maid a fucking 'I'm-a-queen' face. '' And we-'' She showed a group of Mike and some random guy. '' – are helping!'' She shouted the last word.. I think it was because she's kinda retarted... But eeh! I don't know.

'' Who we need to get?'' said the random guy. Bitch – I meant – _Jessica _Showed a finger at me and the guy came right at me! ... and he tripped. I just watched, as he ran in the cemment with his face... And I thout I was clumsy! But then again , I was. Becauce of the heels I slipped and tripped. 'What the fuck...?'' The shoe, that made me fall, was now, without a heel.

And it gets better! Mike sat on top of me.

_She is the string that holds your fate  
The one that gets it started  
So if you__'__ve got the balls to fight then put your mouth around it_

'' You fucking lunatic! Get the hell off of me! I'm..I'm – '' what WAS I going to do?

'' Bella – be quiet!'' Mike shushed me.

'' RAPE! RAPE – HELP ME!'' I started shouting, sevral people looked in the direction, but that didn't change, they just walked away... Hmm.. Walked away – it seems that it's happening a lot these days.

Fuck! I wasn't going to the 'Speshal Center' in Alaska!

_Tell me under your breath_

_Some long fairy tail_

Then the girl... or the woman. I don't really know if she is a doctor or a nurse... Maybe somethink else. Anyway. The DOCTOR, that told me I had to go that center, came out of no where and was in front of me, her eyes more sad then before.

'' I thout you wanted our help, fixing your arm?'' She asked.

''Well! I kinda do – but I'm not going to than center!'' I yelled at her. I was scared shitless, but I can't show it... Not now – not here.

_Tell me, tell me under your breath_

_Are you hiding beyond the pale of your vale_

She smiled at me '' You don't have a choise about that, sweety-''

''I'm IZZY!'' I snarled at her. How could she do this to me? Why?

'' So... Are we doing this the easy way? Or the hard way?'' She showed me some guys, who were standing at the enterence of the hospital and a needle in her hands. I paled.

''Why?'' I whispered.

_Tell me under your breath_

_Whether you're right or wrong_

''Do you want your arm cut off? Your operation is in 2 hours. '' I needed an operation?

'' No, but-''

'' Then come on!'' She looked frustrated.

I looked at her. She was beautiful – even without make-up. But still sad. And like she needed a good night sleep. Mike stood up and walked away. And she offered a hand to me. I could run, but the bet was too high. And I doubt that I could get too far, also. Not with those two big guys. I looked at her arm and saw scars... Just like mine, but faded away, but not comlpitly. To say at least - I was schoed! I looked at her. She smiled sadly at me.

_Tell me, tell me everything_

_You've never told me before_

I took her arm, and I was on my feet.

'' Good choice.'' She said and leeded me away.

''YOU FOUND HER!'' some guy said, when we were walking in hospital.

_Who's shot the silence? Who is the genius shot the silence?_

_Who's shot the silence? Who is the genius?_

'' Yeah. I said that I will, Fred.'' That was the guy she talked to earlier. He was tall... Much taller than me now, because I wasn't wearing those heels. He had dark hair, and he was build. Then he looked at her and sighed. The look he gave her... But then he looke at me.

'' Isabella Swan. I'm your-''

'' GOD! It's Izzy! I-Z-Z-Y. Not so hard to remember!'' Then I remembered that I didn't say my name earlier to him, for I was making a 'prison break'.

'' Ok... I'm one of the docotrs who will be operating you. I'm Dr. Nilson.'' He said.

'' Got it - Fred it is!'' I tried to crack a joke, but only the blonde, sad doctor smiled.

_Tell me under your breath_

_Was your silence just a break?_

'' We're going to my office... To talk about..things.'' We stopd in fron of a door. It seemed that we two were going to have this TALK...

She smiled at him, a looging in her eyes, then at me, before she said anythink I said.

'' Can you stay? '' She looked shooked, but nooded.

We walked in his office and he sat at a desk, got his glasses from the table and ut those on, while me and she sat at the chairs in front of him.

He looked at some papers and then at me.

'' I'm not going to beat around a bush. What drugs are you on, or waht were you on? I know, for a fact, that you are on some, but do you know?'' Shit. That was my only thout in the head.

'' I... Maybe. Why –''

''Answer the question Mrs. Swan. ''

I looked at my hands '' I don't know, Ok?''

'' But why did you take them?''

'' Because it didn't mater to me what I took.'' I looked him in the eyes.

'' We found in your body sistem Extacy, LSD, Ketamin, Tranquilisers, Cocain, Pot and Heroin. Some where werry little found, some really much. Do you real-''

'' So?'' I asked. '' What does that mean?''

He sighed '' That means, you are not so safe in the operation room, because you can overdose. That's why we're giving you smaller amount and there will be another doctor working on you.'' He looked down, at her then back at me before he said '' And after that, your going to rehabilitation clinic, in Alaska. We told your familly that also.''

I know I paled. '' But... I have a choice!'' I whispered.

'' No... no you don't. Not know.'' He looked at her again.

_Tell me, tell me under your breath_

_Was your dark red pain just a fake?_

'' Liz, take her to her room. Make her ready and... Then I'm going to get you both.''

Liz, that was her name... She took me to my room and gave me some shit, to put my self into. I did. I was still shocked, scared and.. somethink more.

When I came back into room, Liz was still there, at the window. Watching somethink. The she started to spek.

'' You know. Your lucky.'' I started to laugh at her suden stupidity.

She looked at me, as I sat down on bed.

'' Why are you laughing?'' She asked me and I stoped.

''Because, I'm not. I'm here. And the things that I did, to get me here and why I did those thinks... Belive me – I'm not lucky.'' I looked at my toes.

''When was the last time you eat?'' She asked.

'' I don't know. I was on drugs, you know. And if I wasn't, the answer is much more worse.'' I told her, and that remainded me. '' You cut.'' That wasn't a question, because I allready knew the answer.

''Yes.'' She told me and walked to my bed and sat down. '' At least I did.'' She looked at me.

''Why?'' I asked her.

_Tell me under your breath_

_All your secrets and fears_

She smiled.'' It started when my father died. I moved in, with my mom, in California. You see, me and my dad, were really close, in a good way. He died because his heart gave out. And I didin't really like my mom, because she was, for a lack of a better word – slut. She loved my dad, but... yeah. She had one of her boy toys – Carl.'' She closed her eyes.'' He was a man, not the one of the boys my mother used to play along.'' She opened her eyes. '' The first moths they both were kind to me and I accepted my fathers death, but it still is sad to me, to talk about.

Carl – he was strong and stuborn and that's not so good. He raped me. I'm not going into details. I wasn't a virgin, so that was good. But it still hurt. He beat me too and both were becoming an almost everyday's fun. It seemed that cutting was my only escape, because that was the only think that I could control and finish. Later on, I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't. I ran away from California. No one knows that I'm here and it's for best. I became a doctor. I have my life now.'' She finished her storry.

'' But your still sad.'' I said to her. I felt like a five year-old.

She smiled again. '' I'm coping. I'm sad, because I'm in Love... We're in love, but I can't show it here, hun'.''

''Oh..''

We fell silent. I didn't want her to know my storry.

_Tell me, tell me everything_

_I will not disappear, my dear..._

Then Fred came in and got us.

Soon I was on a table and people were running around me.

Liz told me lay down and I did.

She putted a mask on my face and told me to count back from ten... And I did.

'' Ten'' I was nervous

''Nine'' I don't feel anythink

''Eight'' Oh.. But I do fel kinda sleepy.

''Seven'' I was up, no matter what.

...Six'' It was herder to talk, because I was getting more and more sleepy.

''...F..ff-'' I couldn't finish what I was saying, because it was harder.

And then I was out.

_Who's shot the silence? Who is the genius shot the silence?_

_Who's shot the silence?_

_Who is the genius?_

**END**

AN – So I finished this story, thank you - who were with me. Please read the second story to this! It will be up, soon. It will be called 'Dreamer'.

So the first song is

Porcelain and the tramps Fuck like a star

It's werry little of that and also here is a –

Mario Basanov and Vidis - Who's Shot The Silence

_**Your welcome to Coment **__**the last**__** Ch! :]**_

_**BEFORE ' **__**Dreamer**__**' comes out!**_

_**:]**_


End file.
